I just finished watching a documentary called “Bikram: yogi, guru, predator.” It’s tough to watch.
This is what happens when we have a collective with unresolved trauma. Desperately searching. Projecting an idealized image onto another wounded human being who exploits his power.
As we enter new paradigms of healing we need to release systems that create dependence: the most uncomfortable part of practicing therapy for me. The reason I created a platform where people can take their power back. Agency is the most important thing we have. Never give it away, to anyone.
Please know the people you admire struggle. All of them. I struggle with the work all the time. I have massive waves of insecurity, and fear, and doubt. Yesterday when my partner told me she wanted a day to herself, still (still!) after all of my work my codependency programming comes up heavy. Last week, when I fucked something up big in my business (bless your heart for catching this @jennaweakland ) I went down a dark spiral for 2 days. My emotions get the best of me. And even in alignment, sometimes I just want to escape. Or stay in bed. I have urges to control my food, to numb. I’m still working towards loving my body. I reached out to my family after a long period of speaking and got a clear silence. I’m grieving, and unraveling and expanding.
As we collectively create new spaces of healing, let us widen our understanding of who can be a healer. Spoiler alert: all of us. Let us honor the knowledge of those without traditional training who have the wisdom that can only come from life. Let us question why our systems sell us on diagnosis, “mental illness”, and do not allow us to understand the earth shaking power within our hearts. Let us collectively step up to heal ourselves and by nature hold space for others to do the same. Let our egos not become fragile, desperate for power, control, + validation. But soft and free and light enough to lift each other up as we were made to.
Let us heal the generational self betrayal to trust SELF above all else #selfhealers
2 Tags vor
Ego love is fear based.
We can have ego love with family, friends, or partners.
In this state we are fear based. We believe someone can (and should meet all of our needs.) We project our unresolved trauma, try to control, and unconsciously shame those around us.
You’ll know if a relationship is ego based if you feel drained after interactions, or fearful to speak truths due to reactions.
Authentic love lacks conditions. You’ll feel free to express yourself + your boundaries. Time spent together will bring you peace. You’ll feel comfortable speaking truths.
In authentic love we take responsibility to meet our own needs, and clearly communicate our needs to others. We play fair. We fight fair. And at the foundation of the relationship is mutual respect + admiration.
During my awakening, I had some heart breaking realizations of just how many of my relationships were ego based. From family to friends. I saw how my own ego had been involved. And I felt so much resistance to connecting with these people. I’d make excuses. I’d lie.
Anything to avoid seeing the relationships I had manifested. That’s important to understand: our relationship are a mirror of our current level of consciousness.
As we do the work, our relationships will shift. They’ll change. We will clear many people from our lives. Not because we are “woke” and they are not, but because as we evolve, what we value changes. And that’s ok.
Letting go is part of our journey.
I’m curious, how are your friendships changing due to this work? Let me know so I can create around this #selfhealers
I held onto my victim consciousness. It became a part of “me.” My relationships were spaces to own it. To have someone else confirm it.
I subconsciously created situations where I could be sure it continued.
I’d push, and push a patient partner to get that hit of emotional response. And when she wouldn’t take the bait, when she held a mirror to my capability, I pushed her away. Confirming the “truth” I wanted as payoff: I will always be alone.
The foundation of emotional healing is accountability. And radical truth to self around what we get from living a story of our past.
The foundation of body healing is self care. Experiencing new emotional states. Sleeping. Getting sun. Creating. Eating well. Releasing the trapped emotions the body has become dependent on since childhood.
Chaos is still leaving my body.
Be gentle with yourself as you process a new way of existing.
It’s a re-birth #selfhealers
5 Tags vor
What we really mean by spiritual awakening, or dark night of the soul, is having an awareness of the ego state.
The ego state is an unconscious state of existing as the false self.
In this state we deny our true nature.
We dismiss our needs. We betray ourselves. We seek external validation. We want partners, parents, therapists, gurus,+ friends to “save” us from ourselves. The ego state lacks self trust, so without someone else we are “stuck.” We live life on the defensive entering every “new” situation with a past belief, not allowing ourselves to have new emotional experiences.
This is the cycle of human suffering.
We live as victims of our past, repeating it over and over again in cycles within the present moment. We live within a story. A story that does not serve us. “I am x” or “I always do x” or “x always happens to me” are the ego stories that drive all of our behavior.
Because the ego state is a state of protection and denial, we aren’t aware of ourselves. We can’t see our actions from an objective awareness. We can’t see our habits and patterns and how they manifest into a physical reality.
This is a powerless state that creates fear + resentment. We have no agency. And when humans have no agency, there will always be rage. The perfect response to a life one hasn’t consciously chosen.
Rage, and violence at its core is a response to this internal state. Violence is just an attempt to finally fully control an experience in ones life.
To live a conscious life is simply to see. It’s observing the choices you make, or don’t make. It’s witnessing your habitual reactions. Your emotional state. What you consume. How you speak. It’s having the humility to see what needs to be unlearned + what needs to be learned.
Where are you in this process? #selfhealers
2 Tags vor
Let’s talk about our shadows.
Our shadow is the parts of ourselves we have disowned. The parts of self that we abandoned to receive love. As children, we get all sorts of unconscious messaging about what is and what isn’t acceptable.
All of us have greed, lust, rage, impulsiveness, jealousy, fear, + a whole spectrum of emotional experiences. But we don’t learn how to let this energy pass through us. So we deny. And repress. And abandon these very real parts of ourselves.
We also have parts of ourselves (deep in our inner being): the artist, the poet, the dancer, the traveler. We were taught to not nurture this part of ourselves in favor of societal achievement.
All of these things make up the shadow self.
The shadow self is completely unconscious. We don’t know these parts of us even exist. It’s called a shadow because we cannot see it. The ego steps in to create a persona. A mask we all wear without even knowing.
When we are disconnected from our shadow self we are in a survival state. We blame. We are defensive. But most of all, we project. Meaning, we take what we haven’t accepted within ourselves and assign it to other people.
The ego knows what it can place onto another, we don’t have to process within ourselves.
Shadow work is deep, transformative work. It’s difficult because we become conscious to parts of self we don’t want to look at. But it’s healing because what we accept we no longer need to project. This enables us to tap into our divine grace, empathy + abundance.
To begin shadow work, we have to become conscious. We have to watch “us” being “us.” We need to view triggers as teachers, showing us what needs to be healed. And people we meet as mirrors. We must pause and breathe rather than react + and start asking questions. Reflecting. Connecting to our internal world.
Are you starting to see your shadow? #selfhealers
1 Woche vor
It took me 35 years to claim holidays for myself.
It took me 35 years to finally say no + stay home with my partner.
It took me 35 years to speak my truth and not lie, or deny.
Holidays are the most difficult day our inner child will ever face.
For those who are in my boat of family estrangement, I see you. I know no one wants to talk about it. That’s why I share. I know there is a very real stigma and that “family is everything” does not apply to all of us.
Take good care of yourself. Go outside. Breathe in your own peace.
Create what these days authentically mean + don’t mean for you. This is why we choose consciousness, to create.
All of my love + support ❤️Nicole. Get supportive holiday texts from me: 215-366-0013 #selfhealers
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I told my wife I’d pick up the dogs from the groomer today. I walked in and went to the counter where these three gigantic cats laid. I gave my information as I began petting the cats, and the biggest one decided it would latch onto my wrist with its teeth, throw it’s ears back, and start kicking it’s claws in my hand and wrist. It let go a few seconds later and I began to laugh but I was thinking, you have no clue cat. I will wear you as a hat. I decided to keep touching that same cat. When it would try to attack I was prepared and pulled away. I did this until the cat retreated. This slender gentleman in a suit asked me what kind of dog I was getting? I could tell he was trying to prepare me for what was to come out the door. Perhaps embarrassment due to the type of dog and maybe he expected me to have a large animal. I looked him in the eyes, puffed out my chest, crossed my arms ensuring he could see the blood on my wrists so he knew that I’d just came from a war zone, and I said two mixed poodles. He said oh! I’m getting a mutt, as his body became more relaxed. I looked at him again, and with this deep manly voice said; they are my wife’s. Low and behold the groomer brought out an identical black version of our dogs..
The morals of the story is never back down from a fight. It is better to fight and lose than back down and go home ashamed of your manhood. We aren’t designed to retreat out of fear. Stay grumpy cat. Second never be ashamed of what you love. If you love small animals show your love. Life isn’t a competition and never compare yourself to anyone else. This is your life. Stop living in a world that makes you afraid to be you..
10 Minutes vor
Deja de boicotearte,si algo se te hizo dificil. Dificil no es imposible. Y si no es ese camino abra otros. Todo depende de ti. A veces nuestras metas no son lo que necesitamos. Queremos y queremos(dice el Ego) pero necesitar...es otra cosa. Vos que buscas?lo que queres o lo que necesitas?#querer #necesitar#boicot#intentar intentos #caminos#ego#talentos#necesidades
Society has deemed that an Alpha Male is this bad*ss man who can conquer all with his fists. Society deems being an Alpha is being fit, being chiseled, how much weight one can lift. How fast we can shoot or punch. As long as I post how Alpha I am weekly or make a name that has Alpha in it I must be Alpha. We must create an image for oneself. This is known as Alphamaleism.
A real Alpha Male has so many more qualities. He is a giver, a lover of people, a protector emotionally and physically to all. His first resolution is not violence but peace. If violence is forced he will do what must be done and stop at nothing to protect whoever is in danger.
An Alpha Male is a selfless man who will sacrifice his every being for another member. His entire existence is the survival of the pack. He will give everything he has to another pack member. He is an educator and counselor to others.
He is a man that will fight until his very last breath for even the weakest of men. He is a man who brings others up in morale and doesn’t tear them down.
He is a man who stands beside his pack members, not in front or behind because he knows as an Alpha he must have the support and trust of the pack to maintain his position.
The most important attribute of an Alpha Male is that he is a humble man who will step aside when he cannot lead the pack better than another. The packs survival is more important than his own pride. He serves a greater purpose than himself..
I’ve been doing a lot of “ego” work lately.
Exercises to help think outside of myself. To uncover any unhealed parts of my soul and to work towards finding peace. Because no matter how much progress I make, there’s always something I can dig a little deeper into.
Ego is the one thing that holds us back from moving on and moving forward.
It keeps us stuck in our pain. In our loss. In our trauma.
Victimized and feeling sorry for ourselves. Wallowing in our self pity.
I don’t know about you, but I don’t have time to be stuck.
So I will continue doing the work. I’ll go to therapy, life coaching, church and whatever else I need to do to help create a community of people who can hold me accountable.
I don’t have time to waste my life being sad or angry. I just don’t.
30 Minutes vor
Who I am
Not what I’ve done
Who I am becoming
Not who I was
Who I love
Not who loves me
@yogadoofus 🙏 gentle soul
Living in Los Angeles, I witness A LOT of people existing from an externalized perspective. They move around and operate out of primary concern for how they are being seen. This is a painful way to exist.
I am very familiar with this because I used to live in the same mental space. I was nearly seven feet tall by age 14, so I quickly became aware of what it feels like to have people staring at you. I was extremely self conscious to the point where I would have debilitating panic attacks when out in public. I began to hide because it was easier and much less frightening.
The flip side of hiding is ego projection, which, hello! Yes. I am also guilty. What might this look like? Being overly concerned about what you look like before you leave your home. Spending excessive amounts of time or money on your physical appearance (hair, makeup, clothing). Making choices about your physical appearance for anyone other than your Self. Another common way I see it in Los Angeles: cars. Choosing to finance a luxury car brand (tesla, audi, mercedes) rather than something practical and affordable because of what that car communicates to others about your socioeconomic status.
When our primary concern, whether we're conscious of it or not, is how we are being seen, we are small. We are less likely to make decisions that are rooted in Self and more likely to be reactive and judgmental towards others.
I was 22 when I really started diving into practicing mindfulness and meditation. I’ve spent the past 5 years studying it and though I’m not quite perfect yet (joking), what I’ve come to understand very clearly is this truth: the ways I judge other people are the exact same ways I judge myself. And nobody likes to be judged. It does not feel good, but neither does hiding.
So what can we do? The first step is admitting we’re not saints. We can claim to be non judgmental, but the truth is we are human. Unless we're actively practicing non judgement, I do not believe that we can be non judgmental. The intention is not enough. It has to be practiced. It can be practiced through activities like mindfulness, meditation, yoga, qi gong, breathwork, etc…
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